Season Accomplishments

As we all know, the season is drawing to an end. Although the team may not have had a great year, we certainly had a good one. We have quite a few seniors on this year's team, and I would like to throw out a few predictions on where these great young men may soon end up...

Josh Fiorito-Will end up at a D1 school, and shatter all of Dan Gable and Cael Sanderson's NCAA records. Gable and Sanderson will train and challenge Josh to a handicapped match, in which Josh will tech both in the first period.

Jeff Sayre-Will spend his summer working as a Chip 'N' Dale male stripper to help pay for college in Nebraska...he will go on to spend all of his earnings at the gentlemen's club across the street.

David Kniesel-Will learn how to express his true self, and make peace with his inner emotions. He will then drive to see Jeff at Chip 'N' Dale's.

John Malone-Will be hired by Saturday Night Live to portray a character based off of Coach Wapotish.

Anoosh Varda-Will train to become a competitive eater, and shatter Kobayashi's record 53.5 hot dogs with 197. Afterwards he will eat 15 Snickers faster than Dave Kniesel can eat 3 and Kniesel will lose his six-pack.

Gabe Pattison-Will drink so much Mountain Dew that his sperm go the way of the dinosaurs...

Jonny B Sesso-Will frog his girlfriend, then go on to become the new host of 60 minutes, only to be fired for laughing at Malone during a broadcast.

Pokey-Will save his brother in Alaska, return to the States, and stab me several times.

Mike Santiago-Will become the world's first Phillipino rapper, with his hit single "Sun Dried Peaches and Fresh Fried Leeches."

Chandler Wiseman-Will organize a revolution of over 16000 skinny kids to form the ultimate SBU...then beat the hell out of Anoosh.

Bamboo-Will build a time machine and challenge Dan Gable to a wrestling match. He will be up 11-1 before pinning himself while attempting a tilt.

Nick Deule-Will finally admit that he quit the team, can't run sprints, and there was never film in the camera.