The Legend of Gary Wapotish

What comes to mind when you hear the words "wrestling coach?" Probably, work, dedication, intensity, words along those lines. But two words that should be included in this repatiore are "Gary Wapotish." This man is without question the greatest coach of all time of any sport and recieve absolutely no recognition for his work. If he was a normal man, he would have gone insane and brutally murdered all newspaper reporters, coaches, and half the kids on our team. But he is NOT a normal man: he is the Wap.
And this my friends...is the Legend of Gary Wapatish.

No one knows for sure about how he came to be. Some say he was raised by animals, and that's where he gets his toughness. Others say he was born in Barrington and raised by a loving family of four. No one knows...

But anyway, Wap has been a coach for longer than most of our team has been alive, and rarely misses a practice. True, he often works with the freshmen, but when it's time to wrestle live and us Varsity members need someone to push us, Wap will step up to the plate.

And when it's time for the Moore-Prettyman tournament, or as we call it "Hell on Earth," Wap is the captain behind the scenes. You better show up, or he will call your house, then cell phone, and cuss at you for three minutes straight. I've seen this done. One time, I was trying to hide behind some doors, but he saw me and gave me a point and stare like I've never seen before. I immediately, out of instinct, rolled a mat and ran a clock for three matches, not even knowing it. His stare and point is feared by all members of the BHS wrestling team. It's like a black hole, it sucks you in, and there is absolutely no escaping it. It is rumored that during the 1940's Wap flew over to Germany to point and stare Hitler, thus single-handedly ending World War II.

Coach Wap will stop at nothing to ensure a smooth tournament. He will sacrifice his time, and more importantly, his body, to make sure things go well. Today while setting up for sectionals, a mat was being lifted down by a crane, about 20 feet up. The mat began to tip, and Wap, instinctively, jumped off the edge and straddled the mat, leveling it out and bringing it to the ground safely. As we screamed and asked what in God's name he was doing, he told us to shut the hell up and lower the damn mat. Unbelievable.

And when kids were hiding in the gymnastics gym under a fort of mats and pads, who was it that stormed in, kicked the fort down and yelled to get to work? You guessed it Coach Wap. And yet, the man gets nothing in return. I saw Chandler give him an Egg McMuffin from McDonald's once, but other than that, nothing!

So the question is, how can we possibly repay Wap for his years of commitment, hardcore staring, and smooth tournaments? My proposal would be to rename each tournament the Gary Wapotish Invitational, and credit him for the sucess of all level teams, and also buy him a T-Shirt that says "#1 Coach!" Will this ever be done...I don't know. All I know is that next time Wap lunges over a 20 feet ledge to prevent a mat from falling, or points and stares one of us down, or yells to get back to work, or techs Gabes, I will stop, look him in the eye, and say:


How you doin', Wap?